Why does inspiration come to us at the oddest of hours? Whyy?

Slipping

Ever experienced that feeling when you're falling asleep and you slip back into reality and you feel like you jumped off a cliff to land on another one, but the earth moved beneath you, making you fall? A little like when you climb down the stairs and you imagine there to be a step, but there wasn't one so you reach the landing, which is a level higher than you expect it to be.
Slipping between reality and dreams..I feel it's in a way sort of like life. Got to be careful when you slip though, cos you never know what you may fall onto when you reach the bottom..
Also like love, a leap of faith can either be a breath of fresh air, or the end of you.

Done at last!

I've reached yet another milestone in life. One I've always longed to reach, one I've always dreamt of achieving. The only thing I didn't put much thought into, though, was what would it be like once it was all over? What would I feel? Excitement? Happiness? Sadness?
I don't know. I didn't know then and I don't really know now. It seems as if I've reached some sort of crossroads. And I don't know which turn to take next.
I do feel one emotion though: Relief. I've successfully completed my 5 years of architecture, and I guess the ending was pretty good too. And really, the relief is indeed overwhelming.
Something makes me feel a little unsettled though. I don't quite know what it is yet, and I don't really want to bother about it.
I want to believe I have time as of now. I want to believe I can do all I've wanted to do all this time. I want to believe I've broken free from whatever was keeping me chained (to my laptop I should say)..
And with that positive (sort of) thought, I try to get some sleep tonight.
Adieu, architecture student life! Adieu, USD!

Reading my old posts, I can't wait to start writing again. It's been so long! And I feel like something inside me is struggling to get out.. (no, not in a gory way). Just waiting to get over and done with my Final Thesis and then to return to being a dedicated writer at my blog (something I have never been able to keep up to, ever).
Keeping fingers crossed for the jury to go fine..

Have you ever thought of how, sometimes you see something so often that you cease to see it anymore? You look at it over and over and over again, for so many weeks or months or years that you forget what it actually looks like.. It may be years later that you suddenly realize something like 'Oh wow, this bedspread is such a pretty shade of green'.
It could be anything that you stop noticing... maybe a picture, maybe the sticky note on your desktop, maybe the wall clock in your bedroom.. and maybe, just maybe... even people.

On architecture...

"Architecture is a journey. It has a beginning.. but it never ends." - Aditya Chandrasekhar, USD batch 2008


The beginning of every college life is similar, the joy of meeting new people, being in a new place, knowing what being independent really is like. Especially in my case - being someone brought up in Saudi Arabia - a very strict country with even stricter rules for women - there were many reasons to celebrate the beginning of my college life.

Studying architecture was not at all what I'd imagined it would be like. Actually, I hadn't really imagined much as to what was to come. But when it did, I loved it.

USD was soon my home. The space-framed studio with no barriers between classes and the mezzanine from which you can gleefully observe the entire college and its activities, the computer labs, the library… all became points of meeting new people, learning new things, exploring the world of architecture every day. Everyone knew everyone else here. The lack of walls or separations or boundaries also helped everyone with socializing and getting to know each other better. Seniors, juniors, super-seniors, all ate under one roof in the workshop area below where Chandru anna would serve hot coffees and delicious open masala dosas every noon.

We shared our thoughts, opinions and our lunches here. We talked about architecture; we gossiped, had fiery debates, laughed and suggested books and movies to each other here.

The space-framed studio would serve us as our classrooms, exhibition hall, display area, jury room and during NASA or on final jury eves as even our homes, for we have spent nights working here together, we have stayed up all night and not even realized that the sun had risen, together.

The first 2 years were the most informal or 'relaxed' study semesters. We enjoyed the most in these semesters, making models, doing slideshow presentations, sculpture classes, and sketching live objects and even people. We went on trips every year, we saw new things, we learnt even more.

One thing about architecture is that it’s not like any other course where you learn from text books or lab experiments with a fixed syllabus and you score the highest in class if you adhere to them. No, in architecture there is no end to how much you can learn and from whatever sources you can learn. It’s been five years since I have been in this field, and yet sometimes I wonder, how much have I really learnt? Learning architecture is an endless process, where you learn more from the talks in the corridors, canteens, libraries etc. with your seniors or juniors or teachers or just about anybody else, more than you would in a theory or lecture room.

I have always wished that our college would have had more open spaces where we could go sit to take a break from the work or deadline stress and just relax our minds and help regain our creativity level to a normal, when we have reached the saturation point.  Or that the small canteen downstairs wouldn't have closed down and it would've been like the good old days in first year.

And yet, I still find my college close to perfect in terms of how it does not restrict you, because architecture requires creativity, and it does not come from being pressurized or restricted. One needs to be able to work with an open mind.

In an architecture school, you may not learn a lot about technicality, or even come close to really understanding what architecture is all about. You learn through a series of failed or successful experiments which you perform, ultimately producing something amazing, something you created, something which reflects you in so many ways… and you proudly realize: your journey in Architecture has begun.

Nostalgia...

Being in a field that requires a lot of travelling, you come across a lot of things passing you by. The scenes you see from a moving bus, the pastures and fields from a moving train, flashing by, the people doing different things, children playing, cattle mooing; The various faces of India, whether urban or rural, nothing goes unnoticed if you're travelling. Especially if you're a budding photographer (or at least that's what I think of myself), and you have an eye for these kind of things, something or the other is bound to be catchy sometime. Well except if you're sleeping in the bus, which is what I often end up doing although I would love to enjoy the sceneries.

Just the other day, I was on a bus journey and my eyes spotted these colourful flags on small straws. Nothing like the one in the picture, that's just there 'cause.. well, what's a post without a picture? Anyway so these flags, they were much more awesome (I may be biased here). They were plain‐coloured and of shiny glittery paper and as a child, glitter was totally my thing! I loved anything blingy and bright. And these were the epitome of my desires as a child. It had in it everything I ever wanted.

Seeing them fluttering so carelessly in the breeze in front of that dingy shop somehow awakened something inside me. Something that had been long‐forgotten.. Sudden waves of nostalgia washed me over and over until I realised how blissful childhood really was. Sometimes just a simple flag or a colourful pin‐wheel were enough to make the day, but now the grown‐ups that we are, nothing is sufficient. Nothing is ever enough to satisfy our never‐ending wants (wants, not needs) and we are all carried away with the materialism in this world. No matter what it may be, we never get enough. Enough love, or care, or clothing, or things to fill our houses and shelves with.. what went wrong?

We are never happy with the relationships we are in, or the amount of money we make, the appreciation we get, or the families we are born into. When children are born they are the biggest source of happiness for anyone around them: little bundles of joy. As we grow older the innocence fades, and that complicates things. The more knowledge we seem to gain, the lesser we seem to know to put it to use.

Maybe its time we stopped complaining and whining and find peace and happiness with whatever we have. We were all born with perfect minds, humble, modest and full of enthusiasm. I feel that sometimes all the world really needs is a little more childishness and a little less maturity, and everything will fall into place. 

A lot has been going on all around me in the past few weeks. Well, around me in the sense, in my country.. or in my state. I have a lot on my mind about all of it, so I think I should just pen it all down.

The Delhi gang-rape occurred. And so did many events as a consequence of it. Protests all over Delhi and the nation, innumerable shares on Facebook and Twitter regarding this matter. Discussions, debates. And amongst all of this chaos, more rapes.

Being an Indian and a woman myself, I feel ashamed to admit this is the kind of society I am society I am living in. One where women are given no respect, and despite all the laws and all the extra benefits and preferences for women, they are just downtrodden and never given the equality or respect they deserve.
A society where women are looked at as pieces of meat. A society where, right from the moment a girl child has been conceived, until the day she dies she has to live a threatened life, a life full of restrictions and do's and don't's.
A society where Goddesses (Devis) are worshipped, considered mother, where the second line of our National Pledge says "all Indians are my brothers and sisters".

In theory women are yes, given the equal rights and freedoms as a man. But when disaster strikes, the first instinct of every Indian, be it a man or a woman, no matter how badly a woman has been victimized, is to point their fingers at her, no matter how helpless she is. "What could she have done to be tortured or tormented the way she was?". "Was it her fault?" "What was she wearing?" "What time in the night was she travelling? Where was she headed? Was she alone or was someone with her?" And if someone was with her, "Was it a boy? Who was he? Husband? Lover?"

What I don't get is, why ask these questions? She was one human being tortured by another. Whether she was exploited sexually, mentally or physically,  can the above questions ever justify what the victim had to go through? And would the situations change had she been dressed the way these people would deem to be the way to dress? No. This madness is everywhere and in every corner of our country, irrespective of time, place and who was with her.

A woman needs to be able to roam freely in our country no matter what time and what place. And it is definitely the flaw in our democratic system and law enforcements that have caused so many women to be traumatized and lost their lives.
And yet, incidents like the Shiv Sena's attacks on pubs and married couples being arrested and questioned for lack of mangalsutra and sindoor are no less. This simply shows that authorities or rather the ones in power are very enthusiastic in enforcing meaningless rules that are questionable in our "culture", apparently, but when it comes to a matter as serious or something that requires urgent action, they do nothing, or even if they do do something, it'll be after 8 to 10 years. This is the state of things in our "Bharat maata", the country that is called by the name of mother. Where mothers and daughters have no protection from anything.

It is high time women in our country started reacting to even the smallest of harassments by men, like passing comments or trying to grope women in public transportation systems.
Rather than enforcing death penalties as people are demanding all over the media, these beasts should be kept isolated and tortured with no proper means to eat drink or sleep.. remind them constantly of what they did and make them lament for their sins and never ever be able to even think this way again.
Proper counselling and mental health centres should also be made available, because in most cases what is seen is that they do not just rape for their sexual needs, it is more of brutal torture, from which one can deduce that they are definitely psychologically imbalanced.

By the time we hope for the change to come into effect, and the legal enforcements made to such an extent that Indian women are no longer at threat by maniacs and animals that look at them as pieces of meat, all we can do is pray to God to keep us safe, and practice martial arts or be armed in the ways we can to prevent such a situation from arising.

Good luck to all you Indian women.
From a fellow well-wishing Indian woman.